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‘No, I don’t feel anything’
Made Popular Aug 6 2008
She is a young girl. She is good looking and intelligent. Has a good dress sense. She knows she makes heads turn in her college and neighbourhood. Her emotions don’t show. Everyone loves her and she is a happy girl.
Recently she got into trouble. Apparently she received threats from her ex-boy friend after she parted ways. She was scared, almost in a state of panic. “What if he throws acid on me?” Nothing could calm her. I asked her the reasons for break-up and whether she was sad and bitter. With a straight face she said,
No. I don’t feel anything.
Her story was simple. She had befriended this guy over mobile. She loved talking to him 24X7. He sounded sophisticated, modern and witty. She would go mad, if the network was down, or talk time was over. He was the only friend she had. But now she has met someone else whom she thinks she loves more. So she has simply disconnected the first guy.
I felt something was missing in her story. I probed further. I tried talking about emotions, the feeling of betrayal. Her face went blank. Her parents were furious with her for indulging emotionally and dumping a guy. But she felt, she had just stopped feeling anything for him and was being honest.
I know this girl for many years. She was inconsolable when she didn’t top in her school in board exams. She had hurt herself by reacting violently. She wants to be best and come on top in all competitions. Her answer scripts are perfect. She is a meticulous and hard working student. I feel sad for her. But she is happy. She again stopped feeling anything for the other guy as well. Now she is trying to connect to someone else…
I don’t want to generalize and say PYTs are becoming emotionally deficient. I think we all are unable to connect with deeper emotions. This is fast life. There is no time to think before reacting. Reacting instantly is more important than feeling deeply about the one’s own and other person’s emotions or feel compassionately about the world around us.
Maybe this is how modern life affects us. Someone seems to be vacuum cleaning our souls and making it sparkling clean. We don’t feel emotions but we definitely feel empty and have an urge to connect…
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O’ it’s very commom with the young generation. Many love and then leave. They don’t feel attched deeply to any relation, nor they have any remorse for what has happened. In the modern taxonomy it’s not betrayal but just the right way to go forward.
(Local Perspectives)
I feel surprised that they are clear and honest about what they feel and they don’t want to feel any attachment or remorse either...
(Local Perspectives)
I like your Madhuri, true and simple :)
(Global Perspectives)
Oh i meant i like your *story* Madhuri!!!
;)
ACtually i just woke up ....*yawn yawn*
;)
ACtually i just woke up ....*yawn yawn*
(Global Perspectives)
Thanks Fariha,
I wrote it after a nightmare about growing lack of emotions and compassion in our society...
I wrote it after a nightmare about growing lack of emotions and compassion in our society...
(Local Perspectives)
Yes Madhuri it is in fact scary... wat if one day we come to know that even our parents were pretending that they loved us??
Scary, isnt it?
Scary, isnt it?
(Global Perspectives)
Hah! And you thought I won’t find this, huh! ;)
First observation: Yes, this thing about cell phones being a pick-up conduit is so true! I’ve seen it many times. Guy meets girl over mobile and vice versa. They burn the lines as if there’s no tomorrow, or text till arthritis kingdom come, set a date for ’eyeball,’ and so on and so forth - as the usual twists and turns to this kind of story expectedly unfold.
But the thing with this kind of ’intimacy’ is that it’s as shallow as water on a riverbed during El Nino!
But you know what? And this may come as a surprise: both girl and guy know that it’s nothing more than a game of fun.
I don’t think the subjects in a story such as this really want to feel anything.
I’m not one to over-read the levels of attachment or ’feelings’ in this kind of set-up.
Maybe, it’s just us outside the circle of two who read into this as lacking of emotion or pertinent compassion or attachment.
The SMS has revolutionized relationships as we know them.
I dunno... Maybe, I’m just being a ’romantic in denial’ or a ’romantic in hiatus’ as Graeme just said in his comment at my post.
LOL
First observation: Yes, this thing about cell phones being a pick-up conduit is so true! I’ve seen it many times. Guy meets girl over mobile and vice versa. They burn the lines as if there’s no tomorrow, or text till arthritis kingdom come, set a date for ’eyeball,’ and so on and so forth - as the usual twists and turns to this kind of story expectedly unfold.
But the thing with this kind of ’intimacy’ is that it’s as shallow as water on a riverbed during El Nino!
But you know what? And this may come as a surprise: both girl and guy know that it’s nothing more than a game of fun.
I don’t think the subjects in a story such as this really want to feel anything.
I’m not one to over-read the levels of attachment or ’feelings’ in this kind of set-up.
Maybe, it’s just us outside the circle of two who read into this as lacking of emotion or pertinent compassion or attachment.
The SMS has revolutionized relationships as we know them.
I dunno... Maybe, I’m just being a ’romantic in denial’ or a ’romantic in hiatus’ as Graeme just said in his comment at my post.
LOL
(Global Perspectives)
Thanks Grace,
But isn’t meaning of intimacy changing?
Love is the most marketed emotion yet it comes across as such shallow indulgence.
So if I extend a bit further, how can you expect sms generation to react deeply about anything...
LOL:)
But isn’t meaning of intimacy changing?
Love is the most marketed emotion yet it comes across as such shallow indulgence.
So if I extend a bit further, how can you expect sms generation to react deeply about anything...
LOL:)
(Local Perspectives)
I think communication is a terrifying thing when left alone. It simply means a message is sent by a sender and received by a receiver via a channel- and back the same sequence.
So, if that’s the benchmark, emotion is nowhere there in that linear/parallel diagram.
Btw, a very realistic topic you wrote here, madkat! Congratulations!
So, if that’s the benchmark, emotion is nowhere there in that linear/parallel diagram.
Btw, a very realistic topic you wrote here, madkat! Congratulations!
(Global Perspectives)
Thanks, Grace.
I am just trying to explore why there is ’emotional vacuum’? and why we don’t seem to care enough? A mere extension of discussion on other blogs.
So do you think communication has a role in making us react less emotionally whereas the images and media coverage should have done otherwise?
I am just trying to explore why there is ’emotional vacuum’? and why we don’t seem to care enough? A mere extension of discussion on other blogs.
So do you think communication has a role in making us react less emotionally whereas the images and media coverage should have done otherwise?
(Local Perspectives)
But you’re right. A repetitious trend of such ’unfeeling’ and ’uncommitted’ acts can contribute to the ’numbness’ of the SMS generation.
This SMS ’relationship’ thing is yet the newest adult toy. LOL
This SMS ’relationship’ thing is yet the newest adult toy. LOL
(Global Perspectives)
My take on this ’emotional vacuum’ might be a little off the beaten track here.
I still believe that emotion rise out of a stimulus. It needs a trigger.
So, this emotional vacuum might just be a result of no trigger or poor stimulus or both, not to mention boring precedents.
LOL
I still believe that emotion rise out of a stimulus. It needs a trigger.
So, this emotional vacuum might just be a result of no trigger or poor stimulus or both, not to mention boring precedents.
LOL
(Global Perspectives)
Many things will be re-defined in the modern world. The basic premise of relationship too may change...
I don’t blame SMS generation for not feeling and making everything a toy game-a mere indulgence. They are lonely souls.
Btw the story is not totally fictional.
LOL:)
I don’t blame SMS generation for not feeling and making everything a toy game-a mere indulgence. They are lonely souls.
Btw the story is not totally fictional.
LOL:)
(Local Perspectives)
I think the story is reality. I’ve seen that case one too many times here in the Philippines. People here text till their knuckles bleed!
And this thing about ’eyeball’ is so common. I’ve known some people who play this kid of game.
The sad result is that some become victims of mugging, hold-up, rape, even death in these ’eyeballs’ that spring from mobile acquaintances.
And this thing about ’eyeball’ is so common. I’ve known some people who play this kid of game.
The sad result is that some become victims of mugging, hold-up, rape, even death in these ’eyeballs’ that spring from mobile acquaintances.
(Global Perspectives)
Hmm, Maybe you are right the right trigger or stimulus is missing...
(Local Perspectives)
Yes, madkat, the emotional response is less wanting than the emotional stimulus.
Gone are the days of fire and brimstone, and fiery rhetoric, and mind-boggling love. We’ve come to the age of jaded lives and boring issues (boring because they just repeat themselves).
We need an emotional revolution to shake us all out of the stupor we’re in.
We have to stop intellectualizing and philosophizing about everything!
Gone are the days of fire and brimstone, and fiery rhetoric, and mind-boggling love. We’ve come to the age of jaded lives and boring issues (boring because they just repeat themselves).
We need an emotional revolution to shake us all out of the stupor we’re in.
We have to stop intellectualizing and philosophizing about everything!
(Global Perspectives)
Grace,
Isn’t it a catch-22 kind of situation, where will emotions come from to trigger an emotional revolution?
LOL:)
Isn’t it a catch-22 kind of situation, where will emotions come from to trigger an emotional revolution?
LOL:)
(Local Perspectives)
Then, that’s the role of opinion makers who are, invariably, writers. These are the ones that sway sentiment. I think that’s stressed in Arjun’s post.
Writers of opinion have a very tall order of responsibility because they make or break collective imagination.
Writers of opinion have a very tall order of responsibility because they make or break collective imagination.
(Global Perspectives)
Grace,
Thats a very Very tall order indeed! I think we are facing a wall...
:)LOLz
Thats a very Very tall order indeed! I think we are facing a wall...
:)LOLz
(Local Perspectives)
Thats a very VERY tall order indeed!!
:)LOLZ
:)LOLZ
(Local Perspectives)
Hey Madhuri, cool post!
Most youngsters today seem unable to accept intimacy with anyone unless they are first intimate with their phones. It seems almost as though a barrier, like a phone or computer, has to be there constantly as they communicate. And the person who sms’ them the most is considered the closest friend.
I feel you’re right about people being ’emotionally deficient’ (I like that term!). Like a popular ad on TV, people seem able to turn their emotions on/off whenever they wish.
Sometimes, I wouldn’t really mind being able to do that!
Most youngsters today seem unable to accept intimacy with anyone unless they are first intimate with their phones. It seems almost as though a barrier, like a phone or computer, has to be there constantly as they communicate. And the person who sms’ them the most is considered the closest friend.
I feel you’re right about people being ’emotionally deficient’ (I like that term!). Like a popular ad on TV, people seem able to turn their emotions on/off whenever they wish.
Sometimes, I wouldn’t really mind being able to do that!
(Local Perspectives)
Thanks, Jayashree.
I feel nervous when I confront a wall while talking to some of my nephews and nieces. They don’t reveal anything.
But they sound so affectionate over phone. So I prefer talking to my young relatives on phone than meeting them in person.
I don’t know where our telecommunications is taking us...
:)
I feel nervous when I confront a wall while talking to some of my nephews and nieces. They don’t reveal anything.
But they sound so affectionate over phone. So I prefer talking to my young relatives on phone than meeting them in person.
I don’t know where our telecommunications is taking us...
:)
(Local Perspectives)
To feel alone is something typical of modern society. At the same time we want to connect with someone, we depart ourselves from others to preserve our own individuality. Our social ties are increasingly fragile.
(Global Perspectives)
Celso,
Thanks for reading this...
I don’t know whether this is so in particular social set-ups or is prevalent everywhere in all socio-economic groups.
I hope social-ties will re-invent themselves...
Thanks for reading this...
I don’t know whether this is so in particular social set-ups or is prevalent everywhere in all socio-economic groups.
I hope social-ties will re-invent themselves...
(Local Perspectives)
I wonder what her home life was like when she was very young to a pre-teen? Are there any clues there?
(Global Perspectives)
Yes, I too feel the problem lies at home front and in the upbringing. But then I see multiple teenagers suffering the same syndrome...
Maybe families are becoming smaller and there are no siblings to share emotions with...
I notice these kids are not outgoing and don’t have many hobbies and there is much academic pressure.
Maybe families are becoming smaller and there are no siblings to share emotions with...
I notice these kids are not outgoing and don’t have many hobbies and there is much academic pressure.
(Local Perspectives)
I think regardless of a fast paced life or increasing electronic communication an emotional person will feel deeply. More than the external factors it is our own selfish and materialistic mindset that makes us shallow individuals.
(Local Perspectives)
...And we end up passing these shallow materialistic values to our children as well...
:)
:)
(Local Perspectives)
Sorry for the late comment Madhuri.. This is an excellent piece which again continues our previous observation that we as humans have stopped feeling and have, become blase and jaded. I think the quality of being insensitive t romantic love is because we have so many options to choose from today. Thanks to the net and the mobile phone cheating has become so easy and finding a new partner is not exciting anymore. In such a scenario, people do become ’used’ to easy romance and that is what is killing the emotion part of it all.
So now we don’t react but do some cold planning even in the sphere of relationships.. which is really unfortunate. I’m sure the boy moved on too.. thanks to his mobile phone..
So now we don’t react but do some cold planning even in the sphere of relationships.. which is really unfortunate. I’m sure the boy moved on too.. thanks to his mobile phone..
(Local Perspectives)
Thanks Jaiyant for your input.
I think love, emotions and personal committment at individual level form a basic character of a person. And these basic units of individuals form a society. So I guess we see a collective easy going and casual approach towards everything.
I think love, emotions and personal committment at individual level form a basic character of a person. And these basic units of individuals form a society. So I guess we see a collective easy going and casual approach towards everything.
(Local Perspectives)
”I think love, emotions and personal commitment at individual level form a basic character of a person. ”
Alas.. If only people realized that and behaved accordingly...
Alas.. If only people realized that and behaved accordingly...
(Local Perspectives)
Jaiyant,
You know the whole world intices you to pamper self but does not encourage you to become a strong person at the same time.
:)
You know the whole world intices you to pamper self but does not encourage you to become a strong person at the same time.
:)
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Madhuri,
Good work! It is so true that that people have become more detached and disconnected. It has become an age of more smiles per second, more words per minute but less feelings per day. There is more gloss and less skin.
Good work! It is so true that that people have become more detached and disconnected. It has become an age of more smiles per second, more words per minute but less feelings per day. There is more gloss and less skin.
(Local Perspectives)
Thanks, Abhisek
I hope some day people will get bored with gloss and skin and try to re-connect with themselves and others...
:)
I hope some day people will get bored with gloss and skin and try to re-connect with themselves and others...
:)
And I so hope this story is completely fictional too... In these fast-paced times we rarely find time to connect to other poeple on any level...
Everyone is trying to get ahead, and like a popular ad on TV professes, ”Move On” without any regrets or remorse...
These days people who show concern for other people’s emotions are branded losers and suckers and everyone tried to take advantage of their good nature...
As a result some of these people end up becoming just as callous and cunning as the rest...
I think you are one of the busiest members of community and yet you connect so well in the community.
Some people really find it difficult to connect with self and others...I was just trying to explore one such lonely soul...